How to talk through a hard decision

Why saying it out loud helps

In your head, a decision can loop for days without getting anywhere. Saying it out loud turns vague worry into sentences you can hear. It's harder to skip the uncomfortable part when you have to finish the sentence. And you end up with a record you can come back to.

A ten-minute way through

1. Say the decision in one sentence, starting with "I'm deciding whether to..."
2. Say when you need to decide, and what happens if you don't
3. Talk through the first option: the good outcome, the bad outcome and the likely one
4. Do the same for the second option
5. Say what you're most afraid of, even if it sounds silly
6. Say what you'd tell a friend who was in exactly your position
7. End with which way you're leaning right now, and how sure you are

Questions to ask yourself out loud

Pick one or two when you get stuck. You don't need all of them.

• How will I feel about this in ten days, ten months and ten years?
• Imagine it's a year from now and this went badly. Tell the story of what went wrong
• Which would I choose if nobody else would ever find out?
• What am I giving up by saying yes to this?
• Whose opinion am I worried about, and will they live with the result?
• What one fact would change my mind, and can I find it out this week?

Listen back the next day

A night's sleep puts a little distance between you and what you said. Read the transcript or play the recording back. Notice where you sped up, went quiet or kept saying "I should". Those moments often point to what you really want, or what you're avoiding.

Know when to stop talking and choose

• You've said the same thing three times in a row
• The decision is easy to undo, so trying one option is cheaper than more thinking
• You're waiting for certainty that isn't coming
• The deadline you set yourself has arrived

Keep a record of what you chose

Once you decide, record one more short entry that says what you chose and why. Months later it's useful to hear your reasons in your own voice. In Dawn Light, a tag such as decisions keeps them together. With Plus, each entry is laid out with what's next, so the step you named is easy to find again.